"Tom Cruise & Chloe Sevigny’s Big Love"

"Birthdays"

Knock, knock..

Who’s there?

Natasha Lyonne.

Natasha Lyonne who?

Just kidding, she’s not here. She’s in the hospital with Hepatitis C. 

(taps microphone) Is this thing on?

"Preamble"

"Summer"

"Take a bikram yoga class class wearing a fitness bra by Imitation of Christ, culottes by Danksin and goldenrod Havaianas."

"Comedy"

"We feasted upon succulent quail fritters with a merlot slick, spearmint pie with veal foam, and ironic chicken fingers."

"Oscars"

"Flash-tortured emu with mascarpone and lingonberry preserve. And steak water."